PickUp Lines
by Saffylaffy
Summary: In which L tries to entice Light using cheesy pick-up lines, and Light snarkily replies back.
1. Chapter 1

"Did you know they changed the alphabet? They put U and I together."

"So, how many times did you fail kindergarten?"

**(L scrunches up his nose cutely)**

"Are your legs tired? 'Cause you've been running through my mind ALL day long."

"Yes, they are. I've been running away from you!"

**(Light smirks victoriously)**

"Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I have to walk by you again?"

"Yeah. Why don't you walk by and just keep walking!"

**(L pouts)**

"Are you lost? 'Cause it's so strange to see an angel so far from heaven."

"How many times have you been to heaven, anyway?"

**(Light puts on an obviously fake questioning look)**

"I wish I was one of your tears, so I could be born in your eye, run down your cheek, and die on your lips."

"I don't mind where you die... as long as you do!"

**(L murmurs, "5% up, Kira-kun". Light shoots him a dirty look)**

"What's that in your eye? Oh...it's a sparkle."

"What are you on? Crack or cocaine?"

**(Both are getting tired of the game)**

"If I had eleven roses and you, I'd have a dozen."

"So, that's your problem... simple algebra!"

**(Both are happy they found the 'problem'. Thus, game ends.)**

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><p><strong>Author and Readers: WTF!<strong>

**Author: Yes, I have absolutely NO idea what I was thinking when I wrote this…**


	2. Chapter 2

**I didn't expect this oneshot to be so popular! So I'm continuing it just for the heck of it! XD But the fic will remain as completed, 'cause I don't know how to end it…**

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><p><strong>L:<strong> There is something wrong with my cell phone. It doesn't have your number in it.

**Light:** It doesn't? Try under 'In Your Dreams'.

**(Light stifled his laughter when he saw L's pout.)**

**L: **Do you have a library card? Because I'm checking you out!

**Light: **Do you even know how to read?

**(L frowns and says, "I am the World's Greatest Detective, Light-kun.")**

**L:** Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

**Light:** Did it hurt when you were kicked out from hell?

**(Light wiggles eyebrows faux confusedly.)**

**L:** If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together."

**Light:** And if I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

**(L clicks his tongue annoyedly. After using that line last time, he thought Light would not have been able to make up another reply, but he did.)**

**L:** If you stood in front of a mirror and held up 11 roses, you would see 12 of the most beautiful things in the world.

**Light:** ...And if you stood in front of the mirror and held up your face, you would die from being scared to death.

**(Light flips his hair lovingly.)**

**L:** Where have you been all my life?

**Light:** For the first half of it, I probably wasn't born yet.

**("I am not that old, Light-kun." "Oh. You could have fooled me!")**

**L:** I couldn't help but notice but you kinda look like my ex-girlfriend.

**Light:** When you meet her, tell her to stop making me look bad.

**("Besides, are you sure you actually have a former girlfriend?" Light asked. L blissfully ignores him and moves on to his next line.)**

**L:** I know how to please a Light-kun.

**Light:** Then please leave Light-kun alone.

**("You spoke in third person." "Shut up and continue." "How contradictory.")**

**L:** You are the person of my dreams.

**Light:** Go back to sleep.

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><p><strong>An~d, they went back to sleep. Lol. <strong>

**If you have any lines and/or responses, tell me in your reviews! Even if you don't have any, just review! It could have been just a smiley face or something, and I don't care, 'cause I'll still love it! XD**


	3. Chapter 3

**L:** Is this seat empty?

**Light:** Yes, and mine will be too if you sit down.

**(L sat down on the bed anyways. Light gave a huff of resignation and turned his head away from L.) **

**L:** Hey, baby, what's your sign?

**Light:** Do Not Enter!

**("Suggestive much?" L wiggled his eyebrows. Light slapped the back L's head. "Ow.")**

**L:** Haven't I seen you someplace before?

**Light:** Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

**("Then you have lots of places you don't go to anymore." "…Stalker.")**

**L:** So, wanna go back to my place?

**Light:** Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

**("You do know that I am rich, Light-kun." "Yeah, but you look and act like a hermit." "…Point taken.")**

**L:** I want to give myself to you.

**Light:** Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

**("…Back to my previous statement." L decided.)**

**L:** I know you want me.

**Light:** You're right; I want you - to leave.

**("This is my house, Light-kun." Light rolled his eyes.)**

**L:** I'd love to get into your pants.

**Light:** No thanks; I have one asshole in there already.

**(Light made an exaggerating pained groan.)**

**L:** You must turn a few heads.

**Light:** You must turn a few stomachs.

**("From my eating habits, yes." "Ugh.")**

**L: **What would you say if I asked you to marry me?

**Light:** Not much. It's hard to talk and laugh at the same time.

**("That actually hurt me, Light-kun." "Are you referring to my response to your awful line, or my elbow which is currently residing on your ribs?" "Both."**

**L:** Where have you been all my life?

**Light:** Hiding from you.

**(Light dived under the blankets and cuddled himself into a ball. L playfully hugged the ball that is Light, ignoring the irritated muffled sounds coming from inside the blanket.)**

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><p><strong>AN: I'm running out of ideas!**


	4. Chapter 4

**I got this really sweet review by i-love-my-L. She gave me a list of Youtube vids on pick-up lines. Thank you! I can't seem to reply to my reviews; something wrong with my e-mail, I think.**

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><p><strong>(L knocks on Light's room door. Light opens the door, and leans against the frame.)<strong>

**L:** I think I could make you very happy.

**Light:** Why? Are you leaving?

**("I only just arrived." "You never know.")**

**L: **I looked up the word "beautiful" in the thesaurus today, and your name was included.

**Light: **… Are you making puns on my name?

**("Ah, Light **_**is**_** a beautiful name." "Don't start something annoying now.")**

**L: **Is your dad a terrorist?

**Light: **... No.

**L: **'Cause you're the bomb!

**Light: **Looks like something already blew up in your face, I'd have thought you'd learnt your lesson.

**("Besides, that won't work on me. You know my dad's a police officer." Light pointed out.)**

**L: **My name is Justin. Justincredible.

**Light: **And now you're trying to see if I would write down your name in the Death Note.

**("Why did Light-kun have to bring Kira into this conversation?" "Because I can.")**

**Light: **Guess who just died?

**L: **Who?

**Light: **This conversation.

**(Light slams the door close on L's face. L decides to keep himself contented by watching the live video feeds of Light's bedroom. Lol.)**

**A what-if AU situation:**

**L: **Do you know how much polar bears weigh?

**Light: **Uhhhhh...

**L: **Enough to break the ice. Hi, my name is L.

**(And L succeeds!) 2****nd**** Version:**

**L: **Do you know how much polar bears weigh?

**Light: **Uhhhhh...

**L: **Enough to break the ice. Hi, my name is L.

**Light: **I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

**(And the both of them began having witty repartees, and so, L still wins. Lol.)**

**3rd Version (Not much difference actually…):**

**L: **Do you know how much polar bears weigh?

**Light: **The average male polar bear weighs around 408 kg while the average female polar bear weighs around 226 kg. I hope that helps you.

**L:** Nope. Not at all. But I know something that will.

**(L then swoops in and gives Light a kiss on the lips. Typical shoujo manga things happen a.k.a. blah-de-blah-de-boo, and they end up together. The end.)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Damn, I'm sooo sorry for not updating earlier. Can you believe it? I mean, I thought I updated already, but after some scrolling around, I realised I hadn't...**

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><p><strong>L:<strong> Your hair color is fabulous.

**Light:** Thank you, my boyfriend likes it too!

**("Oh, Light-kun admitted that he is gay." "Shut up.")**

**L**: Can I buy you a drink?

**Light: **Actually, I'd rather have the money.

**(Light smirks as L frowns, thinking hard.)**

**L:** Your place or mine?

**Light:** Both. You go to your place, and I'll go to mine.

**("But we'll still end up in the same place." "Damn.")**

**L: **Can I borrow a quarter?

**Light: **What for?

**L: **I want to call your mother and thank her.

**(For the cookies she baked?" "…That too. And Light-kun just ruined my line.")**

**L: **Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see!

**Light: **That could also be because I'm the only one in this room with you.

**("Ah, Light-kun is right." "…")**

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><p><strong>You know, if L were to succeed, then it would be something like this: <strong>

**L:** Crap. Something is wrong with my cell phone.

**Light:** Oh really. What is it?

**L:** It's just that…your number is not in it.

**Light: **Shall I give you mine?

**L: **That would make my day.

**(And you can imagine what'll happen next.)**

**L: **Do you sleep on your stomach?

**Light: **No.

**L: **Can I?

**(Guess what happens~)**

**L: **Light-kun, solve this riddle will you:

Pronounced as one letter,  
>And written with three,<br>Two letters there are,  
>And two only in me.<br>I'm double, I'm single,  
>I'm black, blue, and gray,<br>I'm read from both ends,  
>And the same either way.<br>What am I?

**Light: **…Eye.

**L: **Correct. **(Scrolls down the mouse.)** Did you know that yesterday's tennis match between Yamashita-san and Mikage-san ended in a score of 0-

**Light:** Love. **(Light corrected L.)**

**L: **What's the name of this animal Light-kun?

**(L shows him the picture on his laptop screen. Light leans over to see it.)**

**Light: **Ewe.

**L: **Why thank you. Me too.

**Light: **(Realises what he just said.) You-

**(L leans over and pecks Light's lips, which effectively shut him up.)**

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><p><strong>AN: I got the riddle online. Didn't make much sense to me but, whatever. Review?**


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